Grambo and His Strokes Snatch YPGA Open in an Anomaly for the Ages

Ed Grambo, with the help of 32 strokes due to his abysmal handicap, gives hopes to all shitty golfers as he hoists the Open trophy. Despite the palpable drama on 18, Grambo 4-putted his way to victory and in the process caused a ripple effect across the YPGA that will reverberate for the foreseeable future.

It was an ominous day at the 2018 YPGA Open at Broad Run.  The clouds were dark and the rain sauntered from the sky to create a little doubt in the minds of every golfer that day.  The wind was calm, but kicked up a fuss throughout the day just enough to let you know it was there.  From the time the players arrived at the practice range, there was an eerie aura that began to surround the Open.  Each player was in a jovial mood, especially the ones that were able to ditch their wives and kids for 7 hours.  However, the tournament field was silently and cautiously sizing up one another.  One player that no one bothered to size up, and understandably so, was Ed Grambo, aka “Eddie the Eagle”.

A late scratch from the field, (Mike Marino so he can become THE businessman), created a 12-player frenzy for the YPGA Open trophy.  The usual suspects got out to smashing starts and parred the first several holes.  However, as the day wore on, the conditions became a factor.  Soggy fairways, lush and thick rough, slower greens seemed to separate the contenders from the pretenders.  Ok, not really.  Grambo’s allotment of 32 strokes really separated the field.

To his credit, Grambo ended the day with a 99 — an overachieving mark for this round-bellied former letter winner from Lycoming.  The day for many was spent without any drama.  Hacking out of rough and bunkers (i.e. Vince Sobocinksi) to hooking the ball so far into the woods that children playing were likely put in unforeseeable danger (i.e. Vince Sobocinski).

In total, 8 players broke 100, and 4 didn’t.  While the 4 that didn’t break 100 won’t be named (Vince Sobocinski, Nate Kraynak, Andy Kotulka and Mike Sabara), it is important to note that they tried their best.  Matt Kelly shot the best gross score (80) even though that continues to not matter as he still can’t seem to get into contention in any of the tournaments.  Play better Matt!!  Newcomer Mike Musselman shot an 83 en route to a 7th place finish in his first event.  Despite his visor and ambidextrous golf game, the tour players that went to lunch with Mike can attest that he’s a hell of a nice guy!

Pookie’s Cookies finished the day with an 85.  Seems like he’s back to normal and his future handicaps will reflect as such.  A back-9 score of 44 helped Carney post a 96, a score he seems to log no matter what is going on in his round.  Dave King broke 100, barely, and cruised to a T-3 finish, putting to bed any rumors that his finish behind Sabara in Myrtle was anything but a fluke.  Meyer, like Carney, dominated the back 9, and got out of the Open with a quasi-respectable 92, although still below Chris’s standards.  Maybe “dad-strength” is a figment of all dads’ imaginations.  This writer thinks so.

Despite who you may talk to, the real drama came down to two-time major winner, Billy Kelly, and Moosic’s finest, Ed Grambo.  Grambo played decent from the get-go, using his 32 strokes to his advantage.  Mitigating damage when in trouble and walking away with bogey’s and double-bogeys.  No blow-ups from Ed this time around.  Billy played his typical best.  He has the attitude, swagger and grit to compete in every major championship.  Talks around the Tour have most people saying “I love the cut of BK’s jib”.  The seesaw continued through much of the round and both players had their share of the lead throughout the day, until the Par-5 18th reared its ugly head…

Billy teed off on 18 and pushed one out of bounds and had to re-tee.  He crushed his third to the middle of the fairway and prayed to the gods, old and new, that he should have done that on his first swing.  Grambo kept his tee shot in play, albeit on the right side of the hole.  Sitting 3 and knowing he had to be bold (Gabe Kapler would approve of his approach), Billy busted out the 3-wood, laid his Johnson on the table, and let one rip.  A rocket off the club approached the Par-5 18th, however the flight began to tail and it took a bounce and into the water.  His second penalty.  Grambo, in the meantime, got his third shot up to the edge of the green where he was laying 5 and putting for bogey.  He had a stranglehold on the victory and the trophy.  He could smell and taste victory.  It tasted just like Grubhub on a Sunday night.

Billy took a drop, chipped up, and two-putted to an 8.  Sitting in the clubhouse was Paul Koch, looking on and hoping to finish 2nd again because the guy hates winning.

Just when the TV stations were crowning Grambo as the 2018 YPGA Open champion as he could 4-putt to victory, Grambo decided to make things a bit interesting:

Grambo Bogey Putt from the fringe on 18:

The crowd couldn’t believe it.  Everyone could see the doubt creeping in.  The intrigue.  The drama of a YPGA Open.

Then, Grambo’s double-bogey putt #lowT:

His missed putts put the crowd in a frenzy.  A real life human completely blowing up in front of their very eyes.  And who better than Grambo, whose 32 strokes were running out.   But seriously, he inched his way to within 3 feet.  It’s time to wrap up the trophy, but….

THE CHAOS, THE PANDEMONIUM, THE COMPLETE AND UTTER BREAKDOWN!  DO YOU BELIEVE IT.  It’s the putting version of Roy McAvoy in Tin Cup!!   Needing to hole out to win the Open, Ed does just that and clutches the YPGA Open in the very hands that only a Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich has experienced.

Ed wasn’t the champion that the Tour wanted but he was the champion that the Tour needed because….

….only because rule changes on max handicaps will now be instituted.  Congrats Ed.  Enjoy the trophy.  Place it somewhere proudly and out in the open so everyone can know that you won that trophy, not Paul (still winless in majors).  Also, enjoy your Chick-Fil-A gift card.  Maybe find a cardiologist soon though.

Final Leaderboard

The 19th Hole:

2018 YPGA Open Winner:  Ed Grambo

Runner Up: Paul Koch

Most Strokes:  Sabara (126, only 35 putts though!)

Best Gross Score:  Matt Kelly (80)

Birdies:  Matt Kelly, Mike Musselman, Billy Kelly, David Carney

Delaying Family Vacation in Back-to-Back Years:  Andy Kotulka

Pook’s Career Major Record:  0-5

Shotguns: Nate (2), Sobodong (1?)

Best Phone Call of the Day:  Vince calling Ed on the back-9 explaining how much he sucks and will proceed to getting hammered

Circling the Wagons: Carney and Meyer, shooting low 40s back 9s for respectable scores.

Player who thought he was going out in Avalon instead of golfing: Sabara

Newcomer:  Mike Musselman

Currently has a mullet:  Sabara

Swag Grade: A!

Exec Committee’s Grade So Far: A+

Musselman picking up lunch tab: 👌🏻

Upcoming rule changes

No max score on par 3s

Capped strokes at 27

Mandatory Shotgun before mulligan usage (1 mulligan per 9 still)